And on the Fourth Day of Christmas I Gave You Poll Results

Our poll numbers show that what we most wanted for Christmas this year was World Peace... or for Congress to get a clue. And let it be known that NO ONE wanted a scarf. It apparently is NOT the default Christmas gift that we all thought it was. Thanks to everyone who voted!

World peace	2 (22%)
For the Congress to get a clue	2 (22%)
My dream job	0 (0%)
Daily Show DVD	1 (11%)
A snazzy scarf	0 (0%)
Colbert Report DVD	1 (11%)
The top five on my Amazon WishList	1 (11%)
For my family to get along	1 (11%)
More TTGSiMH	1 (11%)

I'm Holding Out for a Hero

Didn't I get this result before... from another test? And I know that my super villain came up as Dark Phoenix.



12/30/07 Update: How perfect - my sweetie came up as Spidey! You may remember that in the super villain test he came up as The Joker (which was why I cracked that our kid would be called Dark Humor). Obviously I married a guy with a funny bone. Spidey was always my favorite comic book hero because of his clever lines. In fact, the first toy I remember picking out for myself was a small Spiderman. My mother, who wanted me to be a girly girl, was probably traumatized. Little did she know at the time that it was because I planned on growing up to marry him.

A is for Anteater

Checking out the 12/24 Pet of the Day I had two very quick thoughts.

1. Who keeps an anteater for a pet?
2. WHEN DID ANTEATERS BECOME SO ADORABLE???

Christmas Random Ten

Since Susan on easy bake coven did her Friday Random Ten today I thought I would join in.

1. (Everybody's Waitin' For) The Man With the Bag - Brian Setzer Orchestra
2. Good King Wenceslas - Bing Crosby
3. What a Wonderful World - Louis Armstrong
4. Baby, It's Cold Outside - Al Hirt & Ann-Margret
5. Winter Wonderland - Aretha Franklin
6. It Came Upon a Midnight Clear - Frank Sinatra
7. Santa Claus is Coming to Town - The Pointer Sisters
8. Joy to the World - Nat King Cole
9. Jingle Bells - Bing Crosby
10. Frosty the Snow Man - Harry Connick, Jr.

December Holiday Countdown

Merry Christmas Eve! It's time to take stock of where we are in this month of holidays.

December 2007 Holidays Past
4th-12th Hannukah (Festival of Lights, sundown to sundown)
21st Winter Solstice (Are you having a cool Yule?)
23rd Festivus (Did you engage in Feats of Strength and Air Your Grievances?)

December 2007 Holidays Upcoming
25th Christmas
26th Boxing Day
26th & Jan 1st Junkanoo
26th- Jan 1st Kwanzaa
31st New Year's Eve

We are still in full cookie baking swing here since there are, you know, twelve days to Christmas. And you need cookies to make it through all those days. (Do you celebrate Twelfth Night on January 5th? It's a day of feasting, you know.)

Our cookie collection thus far includes:

• Sugar Cookies
• Butter Cookies
• Chocolate Chip
  
• Norwegian Lace
• Black & Whites
• Snickerdoodles
• Frosted Cranberry-Orange Cookies
• Chewy Coconut-Orange Macaroons
• French Lemon Wafers

Yeah, I bet you wish you were Christmasing at our house. My favorite so far has been the Black & Whites, which are like little brownie bombs covered in powdered sugar. I have to admit that the Cranberry-Orange cookies taste like Christmas all baked up in cookie form.

L33TERATURE: Notes From The Underground

How Notes From the Underground might have come out if it had been texted from one 13 year old to the other in the 21st Century.

IM A SIK MAN..!11!!!1!!1!!111!!11!!!1!! IM A SPIETFUL MAN!1!11 WTF IM AN UNATRACTIEV MAN!1!!! OMG I BLEIVA MAH LIEVR SI DIESAESD!!!!!1! OMG HOW3VER I KNOW NOTHNG AT AL ABOUT MAH DIESAES AND DO NOT KNOW FOR C3RTANE WUT ALES MA!1!!11!!1 WTF I DONT CONSULT A DOC2R FOR IT AND N3VER HAEV THOUGH I HAEV A RESPECT FOR MEDICIEN AND DOC2RS!!!!1!1! OMG LOL BSIEDS IM AXTREM3LEY SUP3RSTITIOS SUFICEINTLEY SO 2 RESP3CT MADICIEN ANYWAY (IM W3L-3DUCAETD ANOUGH NOT 2 B SUPARSTITIOS BUT IM SUP3RSTITIOS)!!1!!!11 OMG WTF LOL NO I R3FUES 2 CONSULT A DOC2R FROM SPIET!1111!!1 WTF LOL TAHT U PROBABLEY WIL NOT UNDARSTAND!111!!1! LOL W3L I UND3RSTAND IT THOUGH!!!!11 OMG WTF LOL OF COURS3 I CANT EXPLANE WHO IT SI PR3CIESLEY TAHT IM MORTIFYNG IN THES CAES BY MAH SPIET IM PARFECTLEY WEL R TAHT I CANOT PAY OUT TEH DOC2RS BY NOT CONSULTNG THAM I KNOW BTAR THAN ANYON3 TAHT BY AL THES IM ONLEY INJURNG MYSALF AND NO ON3 ALSE!!!!1 OMG WTF BUT STIL IF I DONT CONSULT A DOC2R IT SI FROM SPIET!!!!1 WTF MAH LIEVR SI BAD W3L - LAT IT G3T WORSE
!!111! OMG LOL I HAEV B3N GONG ON LIEK TAHT FOR A LONG TIEM - TWENTY YEARS!!!111!1! WTF

1/ Notes From the Underground text courtesy Electronic Text Center, University of Virginia Library
2/ Translation services provided by The AOLer Translator

Two Goofs in a Window

It is almost impossible to get a good picture of our youngest dog Herger the Joyous (the one on the left, nose pressed to the screen). He is incredibly shy and timid, finding all electronics scary beyond measure. As you can see here, though, he is easily distracted by an open window.

We've been talking about Herger's lineage lately. We had assumed when we adopted him that he was some sort of Norwegian Elkhound mix. But we have always wondered if he actually has some wolf or coyote in there somewhere. After reading The Daily Coyote, and seeing all of the pictures, I began to wonder more seriously about a coyote connection. As well as being shy Herger is also brilliant, touchy, and has incredible focus. And he sits goofy, just like Charlie (pose 1, pose 2).

Oh, and that fluffy 100+ lbs. goof behind him is our shepherd/ collie mix Gitta. You saw her puppy picture back in 2005 on the Thoughts (that picture actually dates to 2002).

Soogle Researches Frog Symbolism

Tonight someone came by the Thoughts looking for the answer to the search "in Practical Magic what was the meaning of the frogs?" According to Amerindea frog is "protection, growth, cleansing" and also "abundance and fertility."

Frog will often come to guide you when there is an unexpected change about to happen in your life. Frog can guide you to wisdom that will help you find a path after great change. Frog is very sensitive to your emotions and will direct you as to how to keep your emotions in balance.

Although I can't know the mind of the director - and I haven't read the book yet, in case it is detailed in there - I have to believe that the usage was somewhere along these lines.

Does anyone else have anything they can add to this?

All Tied Up

To make sure I don't trip over my own shoe laces I found a bunch of new ways to tie them from Sneaker Freaker. I'm now a fan of the "Loopback" method.

Maybe I'm a Dreamer, But I'm Not the Only One

3/28/08 Update**Are you looking for the lyrics to John Lennon's "Imagine"? You can find them here.**

Good news? I'm highly creative and can express myself in words. Bad news? I may trip over my own shoelaces and kill myself. In fact, with that logic score I guess I should be proud I figured that out on my own...

Oh, What Can Happen in a Lifetime

The history of the internet, from ARPANET to ASSHAT.

Honestly, I didn't realize how progressive we were in our household. We've been online at home since the early 90s.

Oh, and pretend that I put a banal anecdote about my pets here.

Big, Fat, Hairy Angst

This disturbed person took a well-beloved American cartoon and turned it into a profile of postmodern angst. Not by adding anything, no. By taking something away. I present you with Garfield Minus Garfield.

They No Write So Good?

I had recently been turned on to Nick Mamatas' Journal by Scalzi. As well as being a writer, and writing teacher, Nick is the editor at Clarkesworld Magazine. I get the distinct impression that the majority of people who aspire to publication... shouldn't. He isn't the first editor I've read commentary from who borders on complete exasperation over the basic incompetence of the majority of submissions, but he is the most recent. And potentially the most amusing. His tone makes me feel like he is sharing these insights over a drink at a dinner party.

After teaching a class of high school girls in the Young Adult Writer Program he writes:

The last exercises generated renovated fairy stories approximately 4856394562 times better than the usual retellings I get for Clarkesworld in the slush.

In the Clarkesworld submission guidelines:

A cover letter is what you wear and how you groom yourself for a job interview. It is your first impression.

Google is Just Alright With Me

Checking out some of our latest visitors I can see that the Thoughts have a higher ranking on Google than you might expect for some searches.

Go Away Before I Taunt You - We're #1! (Because of this post.)
Drunko the Clown Shirts - We're #2. (Thanks Nevsky. That was one of your old posts in 2003.)
Stuck in My Head Again Lyrics - The Thoughts are at #3.
Ghost Hunters Fan Fiction - We're #4. (If you want some, I researched it here.)
Penguin vacuum - We come in at #5!
Doobie Brothers Blogspot - The Thoughts come in at #6.

Are You Jeff Vader?

Eddie Izzard. Star Wars. Legos. Brilliant.

Soogle Helps With Mixed Metahares

Someone came to the Thoughts tonight looking for a Looney Tunes quote. Well, actually, two Looney Tunes quotes, but in the same search box. One quote we already have, but the other half of their search, "I will love him," references a different episode. Both Georges, so I can see where the confusion comes in. I can't find the exact quote "I will love him" so apparently we both misheard that. It's all about the hugging, squeezing, rubbing, etc.

The lines are delivered by Hugo the Abominable Snowman in the episode The Abominable Snow Rabbit.

• You can listen to the wav file for "Just what I always wanted. My own little bunny rabbit. I will name him George. And I will hug him and pet him and squeeze him." (And some other lines from the episode.)
  
• You can buy the action figure.
• You can read about the episode at The Big Cartoon Database. (And watch the video if you register and log in.)
  
• But right now you can NOT watch the video on YouTube because Warner Bros. doesn't realize that the world is changing.

The Lullabye of Helms Deep

TNT is showing Two Towers tonight.

If you've ever been by the blog I don't need to explain to you that we are HUGE geeks. The movie started on 12/18/2002, a Wednesday, and our movie house started with a 12:05 am show. We caught that one, slept a couple of hours, went to work, and then hit two more showings - technically seeing it three times on opening day. (And then went to work again on Thursday.) Yes, I know it is a three hour movie. No, I'm not kidding or miscounting. Nine hours of movie, plus time in line, etc., etc.

I remember dozing through the Battle of Helms Deep on the third showing. I never sleep through movies so it was very surreal to me. As a consequence of that insanity whenever I hear the Battle of Helms Deep scenes now I get sleepy.

Yes, the pinnacle of battle coolness in LOTR makes me stifle a yawn and consider taking a nap. No matter what time of day it is.

I learned my lesson. And asked for time off when Return of the King opened. What, wait for the weekend to see it? You've got to be joking.

Soogle S'plains

Another intriguing search where the Thoughts showed up on the first page of Google results for this week was the police lyrics nietzsche, a query that comes to us from Swampscott, Massachusetts. I can see how you could land here with those search terms. And I can see how you might assume that Sting would make Nietzsche references in his lyrics, especially back during his Police days. For awhile it seemed like he couldn't read a book without writing a song about it (which I'm sure I would do if I had to keep producing songs). But unless I missed something in my compulsive analysis of their lyrics when I was a teenager, there isn't any Nietzsche to be had.

From what I can tell, Sting didn't start making literary/intellectual references in his music until the 1980 album Zenyatta Mondatta where "Don't Stand So Close to Me" referred to Lolita. He was also trying to say something with "De Do Do Do, De Da Da Da."

I was trying to make an intellectual point about how the simple can be so powerful.

By the album Ghost in the Machine in 1981 (the title itself refers to a book by Koestler), Sting had gone into full intellectual reference mode. "Spirits in the Material World" explores the Koestler work of the album title. "Invisible Sun" is a concept mentioned and footnoted in that book. "Secret Journey" is about a different work, called Meetings with Remarkable Men.

The album Synchronicity, of course, references Jung. There's a little shout out to Greek mythology (and geography) by mentioning the Scylla and Charybdes in "Wrapped Around Your Finger."

So, we have references to literature, mysticism, psychology, and mythology. But no Nietzsche. Maybe if the band had stayed together for one more album we would have had a release called "Übermensch" or "God is Dead." But I doubt it. I don't think that Nietzsche's inherently aggressive stance on.... well, just about anything, would appeal to Sting. If he were to explore a philosopher I would expect to see something more like the airy intellectualism of George Berkeley. If Sting releases an album called "Esse est percipi" just remember that you read it here first.

Taking Responsibility

I think that Salvage may have captured the folly that has plagued mankind since the beginning.

People blaming inanimate objects for their problems and looking to invisible men in the sky to solve them.

Can't even begin to understand that.

~ Your Addiction is Yours, Hairy Fish Nuts Blog

Top Hits This Week on TTGSiMH

God Rest Ye, Unitarians
Soogle
Soogle Strikes Again - Recent Searches Solved

The Unitarian song still makes me laugh... The search post being searched seems like looking in a mirror in a mirror in a mirror... But it proves that once people are looking for something they will keep looking for it.


Another search that came in this week pointed out that... we're still #1 in Colbert Fan Fiction! That's my Wikiality, baby!

Yes, I know, there are only about two paragraphs of Stephen vs. the Factinistas. But obviously the agreed upon reality - Wikiality - is that WE ARE NUMBER ONE!!!

Because Stephen would have wanted it that way.

Friday Random Ten

It's been awhile. Welcome back to the weirdness known as my playlists.

1. I Really Don't Know Anymore ~ Christopher Cross
2. Strange Magic ~ Electric Light Orchestra
3. Blue Sky ~ Allman Brothers
4. 25th December ~ Everything But The Girl
5. Walk on Water ~ Aerosmith
6. This Is Your Life ~ En Vogue
7. No Tell Lover ~ Chicago
8. A Kiss to Build a Dream On ~ Louis Armstrong
9. Higher ~ Creed
10. Oh God (Prayer) ~ Annie Lennox
    

The Doodlist

One time when I did an assessment of my talents, interests, and abilities I came to the conclusion that the perfect job for me was "doodlist." Not cartoonist, because that sounded too formal.

So I was intrigued when I saw that someone had stumbled upon TTGSiMH by using the search terms "doodle test patterns personality." I thought 'Yes! What about doodling and personality?' So I went hunting. The BBC has some advice on Doodle Analysis, including symbolism. There is also Anna Koren's Graphology page for Doodles. And About.com has a page on Doodle Interpretation.

Personally I mostly doodle across the top and down the left hand side of the page. According to the links, that means that I am "an energetic, free-thinking, spiritual person" (top) but also affected by "the past, nostalgia or regret. It may indicate apprehensiveness for the future" (left). Fortunately they point out what I was thinking about the left side of the page, "separated by a margin, or with punched holes waiting to be decorated - is also prime doodling real estate." If you have any sense of space it is just the easier place to doodle.

My most common doodle when at work is of repeating geometric patterns, especially triangles. "Regular patterns from geometric shapes tend to indicate an organised and efficient mind. Triangles are a geometrically stable shape but also suggest direction and sense of purpose."

I also like to doodle vines and flowers. Anna Koren tells me that means I'm "friendly, sociable (motifs used extensively by social workers), sensitive, humane, warm, open."

I couldn't find any references to tell me what it means when I doodle Garfield and have him say something sarcastic about the meeting topic.

Hooloovoo Tree

You Should Have a Blue Christmas Tree

For you, the holidays represent a time of calm, understanding, and peace. You avoid family fights, and you don't get too stressed out - even when things are crazy! You like to make Christmas about making everyone's life a little bit better. You don't get caught up in greed or commercialism. You're too sincere for that. Your blue tree would look great with: Lots of silver tinsel You should spend Christmas Eve watching: It's a Wonderful Life What you should bake for Santa: Chocolate chip cookies

What Color Christmas Tree Should You Have?

So you won't be surprised to know that recently I've watched "It's a Wonderful Life" and baked chocolate chip cookies. Not at the same time, though. "While You Were Sleeping" is my official Christmas Cookie Baking movie.

My husband's results:

You Should Have a White Christmas Tree

For you, the holidays represent joy and sprituality. The true meaning of Christmas is important to you - even if you're not religious. The holidays are a time of reflection for you. You like to spend time thinking about what's important in life. Your white tree would look great with: Bright, bold ornaments You should spend Christmas Eve watching: The Nativity Story What you should bake for Santa: Sugar cookies - served up with a tall glass of milk

What Color Christmas Tree Should You Have?

Tribute to the Rules of Bureaucracy: Episode Two

Before clicking, please note that some rules are in the same post and some rules have changed. Rule #7 does not appear to have an originating post. If you have problems with that, return to the Zeroth law. If you still want to file a complaint, fill it out in triplicate and bury it in your backyard. We'll get back to you.

Rule #6 (and Redux): "Politics is the enemy of good government."
Rule #7: "The biggest detriment to public service is the public."
Rule #8: - "The second biggest detriment to public service is the service."
Rule #9: "There's a reason; there's ALWAYS a reason."
Rule #10: "The Law is a harsh mistress: The rigorous and exacting application of which can benefit of society when used correctly to advance good policy and block bad, and be the bane of society when used incorrectly to advance bad policy and block good."

Special note: when I googled rule #7 to see if I could find a full post about it I got the following bloggers commenting on it.

• Interchangeable Parts: Pensgirl references it in the comments. Without a link!
• Wired Blogs, February 2006: Bureaucrats Have More Rules Than Forecasters, where he says that he would have made #7 the #1 Rule (and back when there were only 15 Rules)
• Miniver Cheevy, prompted by the Wired Blogs and links back to the Notorious ADB
  

Tonight on Soogle: What Do You Think I Am, An Idiom?

Today I got a hit from someone trying to find out the meaning of the joke: "Where are we going and why am I in his handbasket?"

In order to understand this joke you need to know the idiom going to hell in a handbasket.

Thus the implicit meaning of the joke, which is usually on a t-shirt or bumper sticker, is that the person "saying" it so clueless that they don't realize that everything is going straight to hell. The "voice" of the joke comes off as rather innocent and trapped in their circumstances. Contrariwise, the people who display the joke aren't being innocent, they are being ironic and sarcastic. They are indicating that they *know* everything is going straight to hell.

U. S. Err

Hopefully my travel days for the year have come to an end. This morning, after landing on the East Coast on a red-eye flight, I got caught in the fog blanketing the southeast and my connection got canceled. I didn't suffer any ill effects personally, other than having my three hour layover stretch into six hours - but there was no helping that. Half of the morning had been lost to the fog and the airports were scrambling to get things back in order. They actually rebooked my connection into an airport closer to home (less than ten miles to my front door). My Irish luck knows no bounds.*

All of that time in the layover, though, gave me an opportunity to hear about the trials and tribulations being suffered by my fellow travelers. And there were some doozies. Canceled flights had abounded the day before and the airlines hadn't covered hotels or anything. And now here they were with a morning of cancelations and changes. Yikes.


*I hadn't mentioned it before, but on the outgoing flight I had been TOO LATE to check in for the first time in my life. I'm usually two hours early. Without complaint or charge they rebooked me into a flight leaving a half hour later - and whose connection landed five minutes earlier. Three flights were supposed to dump luggage onto the same conveyor and my bag was literally the first one down the chute.

so that's what morale sounds like...

It's been awhile since I have heard the sound, but dim memories are
being evoked by the scene in front of me. A certain boisterousness,
enjoying those minutes before the problems of the day start to
surface. A distinct giddiness at seeing each other and looking for
those opportunities to tease, joke and cajole. An innate respect about
who knows what: group questions about a location code and results from
a sporting event are immediately surrendered to the appropriate
resident experts - and each of them demonstrate why they have their
positions in the group. Underlying the social interaction are
efficient little motions setting the day in order. Lists checked,
logistics assessed, supplies stocked. The day will get started shortly
and someone will come along to throw stones in this pleasant pond.
They will have a problem, or an issue, or just BE an issue, and then
the joviality will slowly fade and the "real work" will start. But
eventually we will go away, and they will get to go home, and they
will look forward to tomorrow - when they will be able to see each
other again. They can try out those jokes that will occur to them
tonight. They can talk about the game and have another trivia question
for He Who Knows All Codes. They have that to look forward to.

What are you doing tomorrow?

I know my day won't start nearly as well.

TTGSiMH Top Hits of the Week

When Life Hands You Lemons
Which Way Did He Go George?
Ghost Hunters Fan Fiction

I put a comment on Dilbert Blog about the lemon test, so those hits are no surprise. I *always* get a lot of traffic for the Looney Tunes quote. But the Ghost Hunters Fan Fiction? There is obviously more afoot here than I had realized. Apparently those things that go bump in the night are Ghost Hunters fans.

Capitalizing on Talents

If you were to ask me I would say that I was a better writer than artist. But it occurred to me today that of the two it has only been art where I've made real cashy money. Part of it may be that because I don't perceive myself as a real artist I am willing to use what small (really, I mean small) talent I have in whatever capacity it serves me. I've mostly done contract craft and textile work. It's not like I've made a LOT of money from art - certainly I've made much, much more selling my soul to The Man - but I've at least made some.

I find that interesting.

It's arguable that I get money from The Man for my writing (all those white papers...), but I think that we can all agree that business reports are to writing what bathroom stall doodles are to art. Can't we? I hope we can agree to that.

I have other talents. Many of them unknown to me until I accidentally tried them out. Some I make money from and others I don't.

What do you consider to be your talents? Do you use them in your work? Do you make money from them? Are you averse to making money from your greatest talents?

Soogle Researches Holiday Poetry

12/14 Update: This post has been popular enough I thought I'd better find the audio clip. It's on this page in Real Audio format.

Someone came to the Thoughts last night with an interesting search term: Harry Harrison holiday poem "may you always." Well dang, I thought, I didn't know that one of my favorite humorous science fiction authors had written a holiday poem. How interesting.

Turns out he didn't.

However, there is a disc jockey named Harry Harrison that recorded one - at New York's WCBS FM101.1 when it was an Oldies Station a few years back. Attribution at the bottom of the official copy cites Larry Marks and Dick Charles as the actual writers. I found the text of May You Always but since they revamped the WCBS website in their change to "New York's Greatest Hits" I can't track down the audio. Most of the articles and blog posts about the poem date back to 2004 and the links are dead. Based on the adoration of his fans I have to assume that if we can find the recording it will be tantamount to Baz Luhrmann's reciting of Everybody's Free (To Wear Sunscreen) (VH1 video).

To give you a taste of the piece so you will know whether to click on that link up there:

As the holiday bells ring out the old year, and sweethearts kiss,
And cold hands touch and warm each other against the year ahead,
May I wish you not the biggest and best of life,
But the small pleasures that make living worthwhile.

Sometime during the New Year, to keep your heart in practice,
May you do someone a secret good deed and not get caught at it.
May you find a little island of time to read that book and write that letter
And to visit that lonely friend on the other side of town.

May your next do-it-yourself project not look like you did it yourself...

If you want the rest, follow the link.

Where's the Funny?

I ran across a column called The Script Shredder 9000.

In this age of fast food info we realize you're busy. Sometimes too busy to even see a movie. So we've taken recent films released and distilled them into an easy to read quick script. So, without further ado, iF is proud to welcome back the 9th Wonder of the World back to our Web site -- SCRIPTSHREDDER 9000 - Version 2.0

The idea is funny, there is the lingering promise of funny in the writing. But it is not actually funny. I dug a little deeper and it got less funny. Things like this kill me. I was expecting a chocolate sundae of funny and I got a rice cake. It leaves me hungry, grumpy, and ready to kill for a bottle of chocolate syrup. I wasn't expecting something that would make the maraschino cherry come out my nose, just something... funny.

Your Thoughts Get Stuck Where?

I continue to get periodic hit for people trying to figure out what to do about obsessive thoughts that are really stuck in their heads. And it makes me wonder what would have happened if I had gone with my first funny thought and named this blog "Thoughts That Get Stuck in My Neck." I skipped that because I figured you had to be an SNL fan like me to even have a clue what I was getting at.

Trivia question:
Which SNL cast member did this skit with the quote "Thoughts get stuck in my neck"?

Bonus round:
Who were they impersonating?

Tribute to the Rules of Bureaucracy: Episode One

You may know that we here at the Thoughts have a background in public service. As such, we find the Rules of Bureaucracy by the Notorious ADB (aka "O") on the Angry Drunk Bureaucrat to be absolutely hilarious. Although he keeps the list in his sidebar it is not linked to the original posts and explanations. So in celebration of the fact that Monday is Bureaucracy Day, I've started a tribute series to link the rules to their originating posts as a... public service. It's the least that Soogle can do for you.

For Episode One of our tribute I have captured the first five Rules. Plus the Zeroth Rule. Before the clicking, please note that some rules are in the same post and some rules (either text or number) have changed. I'm sure that "O" filed paperwork in triplicate before making those changes, in observance of Rule #1, but said paperwork has been stolen by the pixies.

Rule #O:"The Rules of Bureaucracy are mutable, non-canonical, non-ordinal, and contradictory, except in the cases where they are not."
Rule #1:"Document everything you do; if you didn't write it down, it didn't happen."
Rule #2 [The Sixty Minutes Rule]: "Never do anything that would cause Ed Bradley, Mike Wallace, Morley Safer, Steve Croft, Leslie Stahl, or even Andy Rooney to persue you down a hallway with a camera crew."
Rule #3: "Nothing Simple is Ever Easy"
Rule #4: "It's about the money; follow the money."
Rule #5: "Never ascribe to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity."

Sleepless in...

My travel continues. This has been the most I have traveled in years. I'm in Seattle to follow up on some opportunities, so do you have any suggestions on what I should do while I'm here? I remembered that I still haven't been to the Science Fiction Museum. I have been to the Space Needle and the fish market.

Ghost Hunters Fan Fiction?

Looking for Ghost Hunters Fan Fic? A LOT of people come here looking for it so being Soogle we hit the web to find out where to send you. The best option we've found is the Ghost Hunters Fan Fiction Community on LiveJournal. You might also check with @GhostHuntersBlog on Twitter. And as long as you're on Twitter, tell Grant (@grantwilson) that @cmdrsue said hi.


Help Soogle Pave the
Information Super Highway for You

Keep the Monkeys Writing

What's Up, Doc?

After the popularity of my simple mention of that other Looney Tunes quote, I thought I would be remiss not to capture some of the greats. Bugs is, of course, most famous for his quote "What's up, Doc?"

You can get the wav file at the dailywav.com.
Of course, there is always the classic What's Opera, Doc?
And if you like that, you might like The Rabbit of Seville.

A little Looney Tunes is always good for the soul. Now don't you feel better?

Showing My Irish

Thanks to Pam I ran across The Booze Test. The amusing part is that I don't drink. I just have a lot of alcohol related trivia in my head. It's been there since I was very young so I think it's genetic memory.

79%LUSH

Why Was There No Science Fiction/Fantasy Category?

What Be Your Nerd Type? Your Result: Literature Nerd Does sitting by a nice cozy fire, with a cup of hot tea/chocolate, and a book you can read for hours even when your eyes grow red and dry and you look sort of scary sitting there with your insomniac appearance? Then you fit this category perfectly! You love the power of the written word and it's eloquence; and you may like to read/write poetry or novels. You contribute to the smart people of today's society, however you can probably be overly-critical of works. It's okay. I understand.
Drama Nerd
Artistic Nerd
Social Nerd
Science/Math Nerd
Gamer/Computer Nerd
Musician
Anime Nerd
What Be Your Nerd Type? Quizzes for MySpace

Oh My

Ultimate 2008 Presidential Candidate Matcher Your Result: Hillary Clinton Hillary Clinton is liberal on social issues, including support for civil unions for gays and abortion rights. She is centrist on other issues, for example on foreign policy and immigration. Clinton wants to reform healthcare, protect the social security program, and fund stem cell research.
John Edwards
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New Design on The Pith Stop

In case you don't get The Pith Stop Newsletter, there is a new product available in the Holiday Style section. What would you do if Santa left you in charge?

We think that this is a great t-shirt for Christmas morning (it even comes in red with white lettering). Or you could buy the greeting cards. Or, if you really want to get into the spirit, grab the tote bag and start gathering those toys!

Shout Out to the Wild and Crazy Guy

I just searched TTGSiMH for references to Steve Martin and see that I have been woefully sparse in my nods to one of my favorite comedians. How favorite? There was a time when I could quote about 90% of his albums verbatim (if you exclude The Steve Martin Brothers, we didn't have that one). I got the Martin bug from my brother (they were originally his albums) and passed it along to my sister (for awhile we could quote an entire album IN UNISON - that's some scary stuff right there).

Steve has always helped me out. I remember I had to do a monologue in drama class but instead of preparing I just jumped on stage and started with some of the cleaner stuff and kept going until they called time. I even used that little wrist twitch/cuff straightening thing in my performance (plus miming drinking from a glass then swirling the liquid and compulsively setting it down and picking it up while I talked) but I doubt that anyone got it.

I don't listen to my Martin like I used to - the albums were in VINYL, people! But I did get "A Wild and Crazy Guy" on CD a couple of years ago and have spun it a few times. (I actually like "Comedy is Not Pretty" quite a bit - I love Cruel Shoes - and should get that one on CD, too.) I added his website to my sidebar awhile back when I ran across it. I read "Shopgirl" a couple of years ago. I've seen most of his movies, even "Bringing Down the House."

Basically I am quietly, consistently, and insistently a fan. But I was always a fan especially of his stand up. I still use some of his lines on a semi-regular basis (Fred's Bank, I break with thee, I remember now - I'm radioactive!) so I'm delighted that he has released the autobiography "Born Standing Up" which chronicles the years up to when he quit stand-up in 1981. In the foreword he pens, "In a sense this book is not an autobiography but a biography, because I am writing about someone I used to know.”

Tell us more, Steve, tell us more.

11/29/07 Update: I got a hit as related content from The Washington Post. I've made the big time, baby!

Must Love Sehlats

If you love Classic Star Trek like I love Classic Star Trek then you must go check out this list of Star Trek's 10 Cheesiest Classic Creatures. The writing from Lore that goes along with it is delightful. My favorite line was about the Neural Parasite, "kind of like Borg without the fashion sense." I also appreciated the phrasing of the Tribble power "making Klingons edgy."

People, you wouldn't like me when I'm edgy!!!

No, Sehlats aren't on the list, but the title popped into my head as soon I started this post. I'm considering making that my new blog slogan.

Virtual Tranquility on the Road to Nerdvana

Once you've achieved virtual job satisfaction, virtual love and virtual wealth, what if you still feel an emptiness in your soul? You could go on a quest to find inner peace, but you'd probably miss Heroes. Instead, let us seek inner peace for you! We will post a series of increasingly insightful questions to philosophical and religious discussion groups in your name, then move on to a number of posts on your blog about the futility of seeking wealth and achievement when the true elements of serenity are within. Finally, for a nominal additional fee, your virtual self will achieve true tranquility and leave the web forever, never to post again. ~ Lore@Wired

Take This Pink Ribbon Off My Eyes*

You Are 16% Girly

Um... you're a guy, right? If not, you're the most boyish girl in the world. And for you, that's probably the ultimate compliment.

How Girly Are You?

Ok, so I was a tomboy and a geek. I can throw a football like a boy. But I was ALSO a baton twirler in an honest-to-goodness small-southern-town parade. If that doesn't give you girl points I don't know what does.

*Props to anyone who recognized the post title as the first line in No Doubt's "I'm Just a Girl."

You Are 56% Lady

You're part lady, part modern woman. Etiquette is important to you, but you brush aside rules that are outdated or silly.

Are You A Lady?

Mirrors in Mirrors

I was just over at Technorati looking at the top search terms for the day. How can "Google" be on it? Are people... googling Google? I mean, it's been a VERB for at least five years*. How can there be people out there still looking for it? Am I missing something?

*Jennifer Lopez used it as a verb in Maid in Manhatten in 2002. Can you get any more mainstream than that?

I Love Movies

Searching on ye olde TTGSiMH I'm surprised by how *few* times I mention IMDB. I give them twelve bucks each month to have access to IMDBpro and my husband says that I'm the only person he knows that could need it. I research movies, tv shows, actors, screenwriters, and directors. Why? Well, because I like it. I might be prompted by a movie on tv, a question from a friend, or an ad for something that is coming out. I think that this obsession is left over from an interest in Hollywood, and especially screenwriting, in my youth.

Of course, at this point I'm not sure how much the "pro" version is getting me. Are these really things I want to know more about? Looking at the list of "in production" movies I found the following:

High School Musical 3
Status: Pre-Production
That information polluted my brain. Now I've given it to you.

Star Trek
Status: Filming
I love Star Trek. I even like Winona Ryder well enough. But anything with Winona Ryder playing Amanda Grayson can't be good. Can't. Be. Good.

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull
Status: Post-Production
Harrison Ford is 65. To give you some perspective on that, Sean Connery was 59 when they did The Last Crusade. (Connery is only 12 years older than Ford, by the way.) It's just... Harrison Ford is 65. Shia LaBeouf is sufficiently geeky to get props from the TTGSiMH, but nothing in Transformers told me that he's an action hero. And he's certainly no Indiana Jones. And... Harrison Ford is 65.

The Dark Knight
Status: Post-Production
They sufficiently impressed us with Batman Begins that I'm sure we'll be catching this one in the theaters. But... Heath Ledger as the Joker? Really? If you pull this off, Heath, you will have proven to be a better actor than I thought you were.

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince
Status: Filming
My interest in the movies petered out just like my interest in the books did. At this point I just look forward to seeing Hans F'ing Gruber in all of them. (Props to Kevin Smith from the Dogma extras.)

(Betcha never thought you'd see a connection between Harry Potter and Kevin Smith, huh?)

Iron Man
Status: Post-Production
My comic book fan friends are all atwitter about this one. I'm still back at 'Robert Downey, Jr. as a comic book hero? Seriously?' The one preview that we've seen actually increased my interest ('Oh, ok, maybe I can see it') and decreased my friends' interest.

Twilight
Status: Pre-production
Good news? Vampire movie! Bad news? Vampire movie. Back in our twenties we went on a quest to see ALL of the vampire movies. It was a noble quest. But like all quests it resulted in some wounds for the heroes... like seeing Wings Hauser as a vampire. That's all I can say. I CAN'T TALK ABOUT IT!

How about you? Do you love movies?

Geek Interior Design

"Right now my office looks like a bookstore exploded in it, and then an electronics store was dropped on it to smother the flames." ~ John Scalzi

Our house? Yeah, it's something like that.

Welcome to Wikiality - The Illustrated Version

The WikiWorld project entertains me to no end. I stumbled across the project by way of the Thagomizer (in and of itself a very entertaining story, passed along by Chip from Science Fiction Brewed Daily). I'm delighted that this image features Spock, that they've captured the sport of Extreme Ironing, and commemorated the Five Second Rule.

If you were going to illustrate a piece of Wikiality, which one would you choose?

I think that I would have to go for a blend of philosophers and comedians. And the people who combine the two into philosotainment. For all I know Scott Adams coined the term, but I don't think that he is the first practitioner. For instance, Will Rogers and Steve Martin jump to mind.

Soogle Strikes Again - Recent Searches Solved

People come here looking for information and I feel bad when they don't get what they're looking for. To satisfy my need to make sure they can get that information in the future I will put some of those answers in this post, just in case someone else needs that information in the future.

Joe Sumner's birthday: November 23, 1976 (Wikipedia)

Scooby Doo Leather Bomber Jacket: I don't know why they clicked here when the first hit was this great jacket at The Character Store. I need one of these!

ISTP Women: You're looking for some, or you are one? I'm not sure. Since I have some female ISTP friends I assume that you, like them, are looking for advice on how to handle the unique challenge of being one. According to murraystate.edu:

There are dramatic gender differences between male and female ISTPs. So much of the ISTP's drive and gratification is related to activities traditionally associated with the male. Contact sports, heavy equipment, auto racing, carpentry, and other adrenaline-driving occupations are exciting and rewarding for the ISTP. Obviously, ISTP women who have the same tactile skills and satisfactions will be seen as tomboyish if they act on them.

The ISTP female who seeks more traditional channels for her preferences, such as homemaking, business, and accounting, may adhere to a more conventional female model while satisfying her need for immediate, tangible rewards. Life presents many demands for hands-on professional skills, which are sexually neutral as far as society is concerned. The ISTP female has many opportunities to fulfill her aspirations in the workplace and feels no less than 100 percent female in doing so. Problems are far more likely to arise in the social sphere. Cool, aloof, and socially cautious behavior combined with an interest in manual skills and activities may make people ill at ease with the ISTP girl or woman. Moreover, if she excels in any such activities, she can be downright threatening to her friends, partners, or colleagues.

My advice? "Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." ~Dr. Seuss

Ways to Get Free Neocash: Why click here when you can click on FreeNeoCash.com? They have advice on how to use Gaming Lagoon.

The oddest recent search was for "liberalism in groundhog day movie." I'm not even sure what they were looking for... All I can say is "Don't drive angry!" :)

There were also a lot of hits for the Hooloovoo and that Looney Tunes quote, so thank goodness I had those answers already available!

When Life Hands You Lemons...

This item fascinates me:

...the Reticular Activating System (RAS) ...responds to stimuli like food, or social contact. For example, it controls the amount of saliva you produce in response to food. A good food stimulus is lemon juice. Squeezing lemon juice on to your tongue makes your mouth water, and it does this because your RAS is responding to the lemon juice.

Scientists now think introverts have increased activity in their RAS and therefore increased production of saliva. The theory is that the RAS in introverts has a high level of activity, even when it isn’t being stimulated. So it only needs a small stimulus to produce a large response. This means that introverts are likely to produce a large amount of saliva in response to lemon juice. But because the RAS also reacts to social contact, introverts react more strongly to meeting people too.

In extraverts, on the other hand, there is a low level of activity in the RAS when it isn’t stimulated, so they require a much larger stimulus to generate a response. So they usually produce less saliva in response to lemon juice than introverts, but are more comfortable with social contact. ~ BBC, Lemon juice experiment

The fact that there is a physiological difference in response between introverts and extroverts! So, no, we can't just "get over" our aversion to too much social stimulation.

12/4/07: I thought that these articles on Differential Psychology (with studies related to extroversion, intelligence, and neural efficiency) were a good follow-up.

What Is Success?

suc·cess (sək-sěs')
n.

1. The achievement of something desired, planned, or attempted: attributed their success in business to hard work.
2. 1. The gaining of fame or prosperity: an artist spoiled by success.
   2. The extent of such gain.
3. One that is successful: The plan was a success.

Do you feel successful? How do you measure it? Is it short-term or long-term success? Are you fulfilling your potential? Do you have a sense of purpose?

These are the sorts of questions that bother me constantly. My library of books on the subject is rather extensive. A sampling of some of my favorites includes: Finding Your Own North Star, The Success Principles, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, Unlimited Power, and Live the Life You Love.

One of the better exercises that I've found lately was Steve Pavlina's How to discover your life purpose in about 20 minutes. It didn't take me 20 minutes, and it wasn't much of a surprise. The only surprise might be to people who know me but don't really know me.

But with my rather extensive knowledge of success literature, do I feel successful? No, not really. I feel rather proficient at short-term results but have not achieved long-term goals. I have what achieved what Martha Beck would say is success on my social self's terms, not my essential self.

What have you achieved that you valued most in this life? What have you put energy into that seems wasted?

If you want an example of why it's important to seek your dreams, and not waste your time, watch this "last lecture" from Randy Pausch.

Mississippi Swamp Frog Done Good

My childhood was deeply tied to the genius of the Muppets. Sesame Street, The Muppets, the movies, the records. I loved it all. I totally *got* the Snuffleupagus, adored Oscar, loved the Cookie Monster, and believed that the Sesame Street neighborhood and their friendships were the way things were supposed to be. I loved the Count and Bert and Ernie... Ok, like I said, I loved it all. And The Muppets! Brilliant. My favorite bit was probably "Pigs in Space!!!!" and I was definitely a Miss Piggy fan. I loved Fozzy and Gonzo. And through it ALL we had Kermie.


On the good news front of life, then, is that the first season of Sesame Street has been released on DVD. I've been looking forward to seeing it because I knew that the ever-progressive Mississippi had banned the show when it first came out. What I hadn't known was that Kermit the Frog was from there! Yes! He is a Mississippi swamp frog! Now, of course, he is considered a favored son. There's nothing like international fame to make your home town love you. (Jim Henson is from there, too, by the way. I wonder if that's how he and Kermit met... Yes, I'm joking, I'm JOKING!)

I miss the swamps of Mississippi when I'm in a dry climate like Phoenix. (That was the city that made me coin the short-hand response on how I liked dry weather: "Sorry, I'm a swamp baby!" My answer to "But it's a dry heat" is "Yeah, that's the problem!") Maybe some time Kermie and I can hang out down yonder and enjoy the humid weather together.

You Be the Judge

I'm Stuffed!

You Are The Stuffing

You're complicated and complex, yet all your pieces fit together. People miss you if you're gone - but they're not sure why.

What Part of Thanksgiving Are You?

Actually I'm usually not sure why.

What Holiday Are You?

Heh-heh. How appropriate. I'm sure I missed something dorky and sweet like Christmas or Valentines by only a little bit, though. My cookie baking repertoire, party hosting tendency, and holiday newsletter background indicates that there is a bit more to me than black cats and pumpkins. However much I may love black cats and pumpkins...

You Are Halloween

You are a dramatic, wild, and even weird person. The dark side of life fascinates you, and you enjoy being a little terrified. You enjoy the hidden sides of life. You are interested in what lurks deep in people's hearts. You are playful and creative. You enjoy pretending you're someone else. What makes you celebrate: Anything bizarre, unusual, or freaky. At holiday get togethers, you do best as: The entertainer. You really like to get into the mood of the holidays. On a holiday, you're the one most likely to: Insist on a theme party of some sort.

What Holiday Are You?

They are definitely spot on with the "theme" and "entertainment" things. And bizarre, unusual and freaky? Just because I want to do a medieval Christmas?

Obsess much?

I get quite a few hits from Google on people who are really looking for advice on obsessive thoughts. And this morning I realized: I named my blog "Thoughts That Get Stuck in My Head" and my brothers used to have a band called "Obsessive Behavior." Perhaps it will not strike you as odd that the first time I read the play "You Can't Take It With You" I thought that the Sycamores were my kind of people.

Thinking about "Obsessive Behavior" reminded me of the t-shirt I designed for them back in the 80s. It had a Lichtenstein type blonde saying, "Doctor! I seem to be exhibiting Obsessive Behavior!" Because, see, if you wear the t-shirt then... you're exhibiting... oh, never mind. I liked it.

Yep, Deanna Troi Again...

Your Personality Type: Counselor

Your interactive orientation, emotional strength, and acceptance of others make you the Counselor. You are the kind of person that friends and strangers alike turn to in times of need - you are never judgmental, and you always know the right thing to say. You reflect thoughtfully on the issues at hand, and don't give up until you reach some kind of insight or creative solution. Your interactions with others are characterized by warmth and caring, and your empathy and altruism do not go unnoticed. Your emotional stability and ability to give to others are gifts. The AMPM Test

Need Bigger Words

I was all happy with my High School Reading Level (below) but now I've found a blog with the reading level Genius.

Travel!

A month filled with travel was not the best pick for NaBloMoPo for me.

Part of My Perfect Life

The Territory Ahead. Seriously, a couple of sweaters from this place? Perfect.

Under the Sea

How can you not click on an article link called Finding Nemo's Cousin?

Music from the Police

As You Travel, So You Are

I'm heading back East today, which means a lot of time in
airports...and a lot of opportunities to people watch. I've done a
good bit of travel over the past ten years and I have concluded that
if you want to see who people really are - instead of, as Chris Rock
said, "their representative" - I suggest you meet them in the airport.
Due to the stress and time involved, most people get down to the bare
essentials. The entertaining part is their intepretation of that. I'm
in scummy jeans and wearing the same long-sleeved plain green t-shirt
and gray fleece that I flew out in. I've got on hiking boots and keep
putting my hair in a scrunchy ponytail and taking it out again. I have
many bretheren around me. Across from me is an attractive middle aged
lady in black pumps and pearls. She has on hose which I actively avoid
on a flight. (They melt onto your skin in a fire, you see. You can
never be too prepared for an emergency.) I have worn business clothes
on a flight before, but it was because I was going to go almost
directly into a meeting from the plane. It was under duress, believe
me. But here you can quickly distinguish between the business people
who wouldn't dream of "dressing down" and those who couldn't wait for
an excuse to put on something a little more comfortable. There are the
casually rich who have perfected the art of looking shabby chic, and
the aspiring lower to middle class who look vaguely uncomfortable in
the expensive clothes they bought and want to wear on their trip.

What do you travel in? What do you think it says about you? My clothes
scream that I'm wicked casual and I don't care about anyone's opinion
on it. Yeah, that's about right.

I Guess We Need to Publish Cliff Notes...

Tip o' the hat to Pam at Beancounters.

Anagramtastic

I was reading about Joe Sumner's band Fiction Plane on Wiki and they mentioned "Fiction Plane is an anagram of 'Infant Police', although Joe Sumner maintains that this is a coincidence." And I was like, "Oh, right, like he'd sit there working through all the... Wait a second. This is the age of the internet. How long could it take to find an Anagram Creator? Google yielded BlackDog in a split second. I put in "Infant Police" to see how many options I would get. It didn't auto count but it's... a lot. Most of them are utter nonsense, but let me share some of the options that sounded like other fun band names. I mean Sting's got five kids, Stewart has four and I think Andy has two. Someone else might need one of these.

First hit? Infantile cop. Funny.
Fiction Penal
Finance Pilot
Tinfoil Pecan
Action Elf Pin
Catnip Felon I (you know, in case the cat decides to launch a rap career)
Infant Pile Co.
Polite Fan Inc.
Ain't Elfin Cop
.... I give up. Out of hundreds it does look like Fiction Plane was the best choice.

I also tried "The Police" for the purists. And got better results, I thought.
Chile Poet (especially if another member is a somehow related to the Red Hot Chile Peppers)
Epoch Lite
Ethic Pole
Hotel Epic (could also serve as an Eagles reference)
Optic Heel (teaming up with a relative of Little Feet? this is your best best bet)
Celt Pie Ho (now that's just funny....)

They Said Go West...

The plane was dim and an in-flight movie flickered on the overhead screens. Up ahead in first class a silhouetted figure caught my attention. Reaching into the overhead bin, he was only a darker shadow in the gray. Except for the tiny red light blinking at his ear. Blue tooth? Earphones? I didn't know. But I felt with a certainty that the future had come. There was a cyborg on my flight.

The Police - Update

I found a review on ThePolice.com for the show last night. Although they have some points, some things require comment.

"When The Police last toured in 1984, the Internet was a foreign concept, gas cost $1.21 a gallon, yet Sting looked the same as he does today." Uh, no he doesn't. We just all aged at the same rate. As I said to my sister at his 2000 concert, "You know what shows our age? The fact that we still think he looks good." Yes, he's still a good looking guy. But an older good looking guy. He's bordering on distinguished, but he still has enough of a puckish glint in his eye - especially when he's NOT on stage - to let you know that in some ways he will stay a young rock star forever.

"...theirs is a show of cool professionalism - expertly delivered, filled with phenomenal musicianship but not much warmth." Really? I agree on the professionalism, but I was warmed down to my little toes. It could be because I'm such a huge fan. Or because I was back there soaking up Stewart's vibe.

"Copeland, a native Virginian, appeared to enjoy himself the most. Looking like a long-distance bicyclist in his sweatband and white gloves, Copeland showed off an athleticism behind his drum kit that is rarely seen - even holding his drumsticks the proper way (left wrist upward)." Native? Yes, born here. In Alexandria, just like me. But he grew up overseas from a very young age and went to college in California, so I'm not sure how "native" he would really be. I only grew up in in the Deep South and I feel like it affected my Virginianity. As Reese Witherspoon said in "Sweet Home Alabama," you should need a passport to go down there. I loved it, but it's different. I imagine the Middle East would be differenter. And as for the rest of it - that was typical, vintage Stewart. When I heard they were touring I wondered if his enthusiastic, athletic playing would have slowed down with age. Somehow, someway the answer is NO. And, yes, he's always been noted for holding his drumsticks "properly." Part of that serious musical background, I should think.