The Dark Side

No, I'm not talking about the Force, at least not directly. I ran across an article about Jung's take on the Shadow and it's been a few years since I did my deep dive on Jung (inspired by the Synchronicity album, so that gives you a hint how long it's been). You can watch the whole thing as a video:

Or you can read it on their website. I'm a text person so I haven't watched the video yet.

It's been awhile since I've considered my shadow self, and now that I'm older and wiser (at least older) it feels like I have more perspective on it, but less instinct of what that shadow might be. Am I more integrated, or more repressed? Difficult to say. I feel like at my best I am easygoing, accepting, and creative, and at my worst I am difficult, judging, and controlling. The other language I use to understand this are my Myers-Briggs personality type of INFP where my shadow (all INFP shadows) is a dark version of ESTJ. This has come out under stress at my day job a number of times.

If you know your MBTI you can check out the description of your assumed shadow at Introvert, Dear.

Another article for exploring your shadow is this one from Mindfulness Muse. Personality Club has an interesting analysis of Shadow Functions. You may not know how functions work, but if you do it is an interesting read.

A quick visual primer on what the functions are all about:

A quick visual primer on who has what primary functions:

As an INFP my primary and shadow functions look like this:

So, an ESTJ's strengths are my weaknesses. I find this particular analysis fascinating because of the naming of the shadows. It makes me realize that most of my (INFP) and hubs (INTP) conflicts are solidly in that 'opposing role' territory where I have extroverted feeling and he has extroverted thinking. Personality Club writes about the Opposing Role: "This function acts in opposition to your dominant function, questioning the way it sees the world and the goals it sets. This is often the part of you that’s stubborn, argumentative, and refuses to go along with others and events. Basically, this is the part that will lash out when your ego is under threat. If used positively it can be used to strengthen and back up the dominant function, but few people use it in this way."

The most alien function for me is Introverted Thinking, and that doesn't surprise me. My husband, an INTP, has a brilliantly tidy and organized mind and I... do not. I mean sure, I think a lot, but everything is either very simple and linear or it's story. I'm really good friends with my fourth function, Extroverted Thinking, which is how I've succeeded at work in things like project management. It's why one of my favorite ways to relax is doing a crossword or logic puzzle. Introverted Thinking, when done right, is very rich and complicated thinking. Yeah, not so much. No science discovery prizes for me. I have a certifiable squirrel brain that leaps from thing to thing, never dwelling too deeply on anything logical or facty. To dwell I need story. Emotion. But apparently if I will just dig deeply enough the demon I will find is Introverted Thinking.

What do you know about your Dark Side?

"To be alive is to be vulnerable"

I was actually a little surprised at this result in the "What Emotion Are You Guided By?" quiz. Then again, I'm an INFP. We cover it up in various ways, but emotional vulnerability is kinda our thing. Feel free to share your result or thoughts in the comments below.

Vulnerability

You are a very emotional, sensitive person. You act upon your feelings, even if it's hurting you, and your strong and vivid emotions tend to get the best of you. Being vulnerable is not a negative thing - it makes you more aware of other people's emotions and when they might be hurt. Trying to grow a thicker skin might be a good idea, but don't hurry. Keep your tender soul alive for as long as you can, it's precious

It doesn't take a talent to be mean
Your words can crush things that are unseen
So please be careful with me, I'm sensitive
And I'd like to stay that way.
                       ~ Jewel, I'm Sensitive

“When we were children, we used to think that when we were grown-up we would no longer be vulnerable. But to grow up is to accept vulnerability... To be alive is to be vulnerable.” ~ Madeline L'Engle

Duck, Duck, Goose (and Destiny): Animal Wisdom

Do you ever see an unusual animal, or see an animal at an unusual time or place, and think to yourself, "This is significant"? That is the heart of interpreting the spiritual wisdom of the natural world. One of the most well-known books on the topic is Animal Speak by Ted Andrews (photo left). Sometimes it even seems like the Universe is trying desperately to communicate with us, such as when we see the same animal over and over in unusual circumstances.

A handy online resource for interpreting a variety of animals is Animal Totems on Lin's Domain. If you scroll to the bottom of the page you find a list of over 100 animals with links to individual pages explaining their spiritual significance. Since they were featured in the blog post title aren't you curious about the energies of duck and goose?

Duck
Emotional Comfort and Protection
Ducks are connected to feminine energies, the astral plane and emotions through their connection with water. Ducks remind us to drink deeply from the waters of life. Find comfort in your element and with those of like mind and spirit. Ducks teach you how to maneuver through the waters of life with grace and comfort. Psychologist and therapists often have Ducks as a totem, assisting them to help others move through emotional tangles.

Goose
Communication and Imprinting Your Life Path
A Goose totem reflects a stimulation of childhood thrills and the belief in stories and legends. The stories we loved as children often reflect our life quest. Think about the stories that affected you the most and see what in them you took into your adult life. The Goose also helps in communication, especially with the written word. It is also a symbol of fertility and marital fidelity. Goose people have an innate belief that there is just one special person for each one.... Their honking call speaks of the fulfilled promises that great quests bring.

How do you discover *your* animal totem? Ted Andrews has some exercises in Animal Speak to coach you through the process. You can try meditation or opening yourself up to being observant. Sometimes you only need to realize that you are drawn to a particular animal and have been collecting, doodling, or otherwise expressing an interest in it. Some animals are with us forever, for instance my husband has a steady relationship to both Wolf and Hawk, while others show up just long enough to help us out, such as my temporary interests in Flamingo and Squirrel (technically Scrat).

Because of my ebb and flow of interest in specific animals I can vouch for their healing and inspirational qualities. A few years ago my life was out of control - I was angry all the time, exhausted, and feeling desperate. I noticed that my interest in otters had been growing. Thanks to the Virginia Living Museum logo I had both a hat and a jacket with the otter prominently displayed so it kept that interest at the forefront of my mind. Who can resist a cute hot-pink hat with a playful otter on it? Not me. Fortunately I put two and two together, looked up the message of otter, and promptly embraced it as my (at least for now) totem. Recovery wasn't immediate but over the last two years I have gently and steadily improved. What was otter's message?

Otter
Joy, Primal Feminine Energy
Otters awaken curiosity. They remind us that everything is interesting if we look at it from the right angle. The Otter totem is connected to the primal feminine energies of life: the elements of both Earth and Water are present in Otter medicine. With an Otter totem, you must remember the beauty of a balanced female side, creating a space for others to enter our lives without preconceptions or suspicions. Otter teaches that balanced female energy is not catty or jealous, but it is sisterhood and sharing with others. Otter expresses joy for others. Remember that all of us, both men and women, have a feminine side. If an Otter has entered your life, it may be time to find some play time in your life, to awaken your inner child. Allow events to unfold naturally in your life. Be careful not to hang on the material things in your life that bind you or become a burden. Become Otter and move gently into the river of life.

 What animal speaks to you?

Happiness

Do you ever wonder why we are so bad at predicting what will make us happy? Maybe you don't have this problem. In fact, I hope you don't. Since I've recently read a book on the topic (Stumbling on Happiness) it seems there are quite a few of us, though.

The biggest shame is that what makes me happy now are things I never would have predicted. Why is that a shame? Well, because I couldn't plan ahead for it - I was busy investing myself in other things. If you had told 16-year-old me tonight's happy evening would be spent listening to my husband singing folk songs while I sipped hot cocoa and the dog slept on my feet I would have thought you were mental. My vision then of what I thought would make me happy was completely different (ok, there might have been cocoa and a dog). First off, I was never one to dream of marriage or domestic bliss. It wouldn't have made my top 100 list of concerns back then, yet it has nearly dominated my life since meeting my romantic, energetic, outrageously intelligent husband when I was 17. Second, I had never heard of folk bands like Brother's Four and The Kingston Trio, music that he had grown up with while I was fed rock, blues, and R&B. So I wasn't even capable of correctly envisioning tonight's entertainment or imagining why I would enjoy it.

Because of tonight's deep happiness I have developed a formula: your attention span / (predisposition +  something unexpected). In tonight's example there are multiple pieces to my predisposition that fit in: love of music, a tendency to be quiet and contemplative (thus enjoying a "night in"), and a desire to see the people I love being happy. The something unexpected comes from both enjoying what I call "living in each other's pockets" (being in constant company with one another), and from him sharing something I didn't know before meeting him. Seriously, I don't think that things I can come up with on my own ever delight me as deeply as things I gain from others. Lastly is the first part of the equation. The importance of attention span has taken me the longest to learn. As a child I was blessed with that contemplative nature and not many responsibilities so I had attention span to spare, but starting in my late teens I was constantly on the go - too much to do and no time to do it. Come to find, if you don't have the energy to be present you can't be happy. Probably the most important point of Stumbling on Happiness is that happiness needs to be enjoyed when it's here.

While I've been typing up my reflections my husband, unaware of the direction of my thoughts and pleased that I have "indulged" him in being able to perform some of his favorite music, has tried to make it up to me with one of "our" songs that served as the first dance at our wedding, "What a Wonderful World." What a wonderful world indeed.

I hope that your day has some measure of the happiness that I've enjoyed tonight.

Keep Doing What You've Done, Keep Getting What You've Got

It occurs to me, as I take the dogs out for the fifth time today (they get spoiled on weekends), that life has settled into a predictable and none too beloved pattern. Not that I have a bad life. But I'm more about impulse than routine, so having years go by with little variation is driving me oh-so-slightly crazy. And at this point I do have to look around and say, "Really? Is this all there is?" Because nothing is what I would have predicted and is all far, far less glamorous than I would have hoped. Not that I wanted to be a rock star or anything. Just something other than horrifyingly ordinary.

Must be time to shake things up...

I Intuit

I stumbled upon a free online MBTI test called 41 Questions. I grabbed a snapshot of my results from the site, where they mark the relative position of your preferences on a sliding scale.

My "Intuitive" results look like they are about to fall off the top of the chart. So I would say that my relative results are something more like INFP. This is a pretty consistent result for me and I've seen this displayed different ways.

Basically, I get my energy from time alone or in contemplation. When presented with a decision I will always ultimately go with my gut. I'm flexible between feeling and thinking, with a preference for values over analysis. I prefer open options, but not so strongly that I fight closure.

At work I can very easily cross over into INTJ-land, becoming more analytical and closure-oriented than I am naturally. After a few days straight of that I regret that I didn't go into the arts and I have to play with my crayons or something.

How about you? Have you taken this type of test before? Do the results ever surprise you? Do you get the same results over and over? Do you think that it accurately reflects your strengths and areas of flexibility?

Top Posts

I've tried to figure out what pattern I can make of these, the top posts visited on TTGSiMH. Are you ready?

• Which Way Did He Go, George? People aren't going there to read my snarky political comment, they're looking for the links to the wav file and YouTube video that I provide. (Fortunately for them, I figured out why they were showing up on TTGSiMH and added those links later.)
• Jon's "Flaming Bag of Poop" Show I get a disturbing number of hits for this one. Whatever it is they are looking for, I doubt they find it and I don't think that I want to provide it...
• Thoughts That Get Stuck A fairly recent entry that I posted when I realized how many people showed up here looking for help with obsessive/compulsive issues (because of the title of the blog). It seems to be catching quite a bit of that traffic now. I hope that this reference helps them out a bit... and saves them from reading about Looney Tunes or Flaming Bags of Poop when what they really want is some help.
• What's It Like To Be An INFP? Originally a comment on someone else's site, this one seems to be the most favorite hit of the INFP related posts.
• Hyper-Intelligent Shade of the Color Blue This started out as a review of the chat tool Trillian but so many people came looking for the Hooloovoo that I had to add some details and links at the bottom. I love you, all you Douglas Adams fans! You really know where your towels are at.

So, lesseee.... I can specialize in humor/psychology? Well, that actually might be a lot of fun.

I've Been Tharned

Sorry I've been away. I'll entertain you with a little something I picked up from Pam at beancounters.

You're Watership Down!

by Richard Adams

Though many think of you as a bit young, even childish, you're
actually incredibly deep and complex. You show people the need to rethink their
assumptions, and confront them on everything from how they think to where they
build their houses. You might be one of the greatest people of all time. You'd
be recognized as such if you weren't always talking about talking rabbits.


Take the Book Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.

Both Rare and Valuable

Over at The Dilbert Blog Scott Adams is giving out some free career advice on the best way to achieve extraordinary success.

If you want an average successful life, it doesn’t take much planning. Just stay out of trouble, go to school, and apply for jobs you might like. But if you want something extraordinary, you have two paths:

1. Become the best at one specific thing.
2. Become very good (top 25%) at two or more things.

The first strategy is difficult to the point of near impossibility. Few people will ever play in the NBA or make a platinum album. I don’t recommend anyone even try.

The second strategy is fairly easy. Everyone has at least a few areas in which they could be in the top 25% with some effort.

What do you think? First, is this advice valid? Second, can you think of two or more Things You Want To Become Very Good At?

Scott writes, "In my case, I can draw better than most people, but I’m hardly an artist. And I’m not any funnier than the average standup comedian who never makes it big, but I’m funnier than most people. The magic is that few people can draw well and write jokes." Well, dang, I should have his job. Art and humor are like core functions for me. I just ignore them... until something bursts. He continues, "And when you add in my business background, suddenly I had a topic that few cartoonists could hope to understand without living it." Hmm. Maybe I should just take him out. It could be a simpler way to bully my way into the top 25%...

I started thinking about the ways that you can identify the Things You Want To Become Very Good At because, well, that's the way my mind works. One way is, of course, the MBTI. As an INFP I have lovely lists of particular talents and typical career paths to choose from. I always liked writer/novelist of course. Artist is there, too. One list even has a strong argument for accountant. Watch out, Scott Adams.

What else could you use? The book "First Break All the Rules" has an associated StrengthsFinder tool that, they say, helps you identify the top five strengths that you could develop to "world class level." I would assume that world class level is easily in the top 25%. Mine are Learning, Responsibility, Inclusion, Self-Assurance, and Input. I'm not sure how those relate to Scott's theory, but there it is. I guess I could combine learning, inclusion, and self-assurance to lead a philosophy group. Or I could combine responsibility and input to create the largest, best kept collection of... something. (I'm suspicious that it would be geeky.)

Where else can you turn? I thought another good source might be friends. So I turned to my two best friends to get their opinion on Three Things I'm Very Good At and got the following responses:

• great storyteller, interest in learning new things and learning them in depth, ability to care
• taking care of people, inspiring ideas, providing safety and comfort

Well, they didn't say anything much different than a combination of the other two sources. How about that? Now I just need to figure out how learning, storytelling, and loving people can be combined into an extraordinarily successful career.

What's It Like to Be An INFP?

It's like you walk around wearing your superfriends outfit under your 'normal' clothes all day long, wondering if you can tell anyone what your real powers are. It's being the only person in the room whose mind wanders to distant planets and purple dragons when the speaker drones on for too long. It's sitting at the back of the room and writing short stories because you got everything out of the class you were going to get in the first few minutes. (In other words, if it interests us we didn't need much explanation. It if doesn't, no amount of explanation is going to help.)

I cope by using my powers for good. I went from zero to hero at the age of 17 by learning that there are a limited number of"social scripts" that can be used to deal with people (thank God for that restaurant hosting job). It took me from shy, awkward agoraphobic teenager to an adult that is perceived as outgoing and friendly (even though social situations actually make me cringe). I'm able to parlay my "F" warmth and empathy into what they call "winning presentations".

But I really just want to travel to distant planets and ride purple dragons. So, basically, as an INFP my most fervent wish is to not HAVE to "cope"!

"He is a man of religious experience whose creative gift enables him to communicate spiritual truths to men." -- Elizabeth Henry, Orpheus and His Lute

Wow. That's amazing. That is everything that my soul has yearned for. Sometimes I don't feel a whole lot like an INFP since I work in an ESTJ world (finance) and sometimes I'm really *good* at it. I can be as E S T or J as I need to be for my job, so then I start to look at the other types. But I always end up realizing that ultimately this is where I fit best. That as an INFP I have a capacity for flexibility, role-playing, and using my empathy to read my audience and give them what they want. Guess what? It makes me tired.

The runner up type for me is INTP because I can be very analytical, and I test right on the border between T/F. But I definitely care about people more than logic. But I get along very well with my INTP boss... and husband... and cube mate.

As to who I identify with, it would be Oscar Wilde. I love writers with wit and humor covering a deep pathos and sensitive understanding of human nature. Wilde was a master of that. One of his quotes is, "We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars." What could be more INFP than that?

*Cross-posted (with edits) from The Introvertz Coach*

7 Things on 7/7/7

I was tagged by Bruce back in May, and now that I'm back I will answer the call of the 7s.

Rules! We've got some rules around here! Each person tagged blogs 7 random facts about themselves, as well as the rules of the game. You need to tag seven others and list their names on your blog. You have to leave those you plan on tagging a note in their comments so they know that they have been tagged and to read your blog.

Seven random factoids...

1. I test out as an INFP in the Myers-Briggs personality test. Yeah, like you didn't know that. In a brilliant piece of circular logic, that's why I take tests like that.... and then feel the compulsion to share it with you. Thanks for putting up with that.
2. I wish I was an absurdist because I think it's cool, but I'm a little bit too spiritual. (Which, as Evil Spock points out, really just means that "you're too lazy to go church and you hate the NFL. Why can't spiritual people just say you have better things to do?!?" Heh-heh.)
3. I love my husband.
4. I have three cats and they are all named after characters from James Bond movies.
5. I just finished reading Stephen King's "Lisey's Story" this week. On average I probably read two books a week, but this year I'm starting to keep track by writing the date on the inside of mass market paperbacks when I finish them. I'm having a hard time bringing myself to write in King's book, even a simple "July 2007," which in and of itself tells me that I respect his work more than I'd realized. Even though he still does things in his writing that irritate me.
6. I love long life better than figs.
7. I skipped high school. Yep, pretty much the whole thing. I went to college on brains and chutzpah (and a student loan).

Tag forward...

Nevsky at 2+2=5
"O" at The Angry Drunk Bureaucrat
subspace at Bean Mines
Pam at beancounters
Scott Adams at Dilbert Blog
sixthdoctor at lighthearted mental sewage
Evil Spock at the Needs of the Few

Word Associations

I take every new MBTI test I find because I figure one day I will come up as a different type. Today was not that day. (It was 50/50 with the F/T axis, but that happens a lot. I have a highly developed Te function.)

INFP - "Questor". High capacity for caring. Emotional face to the world. High sense of honor derived from internal values. 4.4% of total population.

Free Jung Word Test (similar to Myers-Briggs)
personality tests by similarminds.com

Your Learning Style: Personal and Passionate

You are very flexible and curious about the world. Human understanding is very important to you. You Should Study: Anthropology Architecture Art Art history Art therapy Classics Counseling Foreign Languages and Literature International Studies Linguistics Literature Psychology Sociology Teaching

What Should You Study?

Got a Cold?

I am an Echinacea "You are a health conscious person, both your health and the health of others. You know all about the health benefits and dangers of the world around you." What Flower Are You?

Apparently I'm the Deanna Troi of flowers. Can we take the INFP "Healer" theme to any more of a logical extreme? Sheesh. Or this is the predictable outcome of growing up in a healthfood store...

Hat tip to beancounter aka the Canna.

INFP: We know who we are, even if you don't

I may have mentioned before that in a Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) class the teacher badgered me a bit about whether or not I was really an INFP since I had tested so close to the F/T (Feeling/Thinking) line and really, so often women who are Ts are socialized to think that they are Fs and shouldn't I consider the possibility that I might be something else?

No.

Eventually she saw the look in my eyes that said any minute I would pull my War Mace +3 against intrusive Extroverts and wandered away.

People at work also have a hard time believing that I'm an Introvert because I'm so freaking friendly and perky and do presentations and meeting facilitation. One ISTP who is also something of an MBTI expert tried to argue me point for point on how I was really an ENFP. We eventually agreed to disagree.

Admittedly, when I read INFP profiles I always feel that they are a bit "off." Sometimes I even question myself. Then I read all of the other profiles and reconfirm that INFP, although not perfect, is the closest to being me.

So tonight I was very excited to find an INFP profile written by INFPs. It is much, much better. One person from the group that drafted it said, "The INFP list has developed our own profile of the INFP personality type, as we were unhappy with the profiles that were already out there on the Web. I personally find the other ones deeply unsatisfying and disturbingly inaccurate in some essential ways." Amen, sister.

The Reports of My Death Were Greatly Exaggerated...

Sorry, sort of fell off the blogosphere there. I got busy with work, and then got busy with vacation. Unlike some wise and considerate bloggers, I'm not capable of any warning when this happens. Oh, life as an INFP. It's like....

While on vaca I got some great books to read. The first one I finished was the short but delectible Terry Jones's War on the War on Terror. It is a sort of intellectual bon-bon assortment for the liberal minded. I'm still in the midst of The D'oh! of Homer, a collection of essays on The Simpsons and philosophy. These are more like intellectual micro-brews, but I might think so since I generally consider philosophy to be fun and heady stuff. My favorite so far has been "Lisa and American Anti-Intellectualism". I thought that "Thus Spake Bart" gave me a greater appreciation for Nietzsche's ideal of the artist, "the self-overcoming, self-creating individual, who forges new values, who makes an artwork out of his life" than any of my actual philosophy classes did. The only thing I really remembered from those hazy days of philosophy class was that for every Nietzsche essay there seemed to be an equal and opposite Nietzsche essay.

I hope that everyone else had a fun Winter Holiday 2004 and I wish you a happy and prosperous 2005. Unless, you know, that's not what you want.

Whistle While You Work

In my continuing quest for self-improvement (see INFP Questor, right), I have found yet-another-book with interesting information. It's not amazingly different from Finding Your Own North Star (highly recommended) or Divine Intuition, but it has a few kernels of it's own.

Basically, they contend that you have a mission in life, a calling, that you will struggle to express no matter what your conditions are. Some people are encouraged to pursue their callings. Others (like me) are diverted onto other paths by well-meaning parents, and still others grow up with horrible environments. Your calling is a seed within you that struggles to grow, no matter how many wrong turns you take in life. As you can imagine, if you take the seeds for a cactus and a mangrove and tried to grow them in the others' environment - you wouldn't get much growth. Because a cactus MUST be a cactus, no matter where you plant it. No matter how tenderly you care for it as a mangrove - the amazing mangrove opportunities it is provided - it will stubbornly refuse to flourish. Does this sound like you?

You will struggle to express the seed of yourself no matter your conditions. To get you started on seeing your "you-ness" they have a list of 52 common callings in six categories. You sort through and find the ones that you instinctively feel fit you the MOST. This doesn't mean you are the "best" in the world at them, just that they are what you bring to the world around you - and you are definitely the best at doing them your way. When I sorted through I ended up with my top five being:

• Advancing ideas (Investigative)


• Researching things (Investigative)


• Adding humor (Artistic)


• Creating things (Artistic)


• Solving problems (Practical)

Once I looked at them for awhile I ended up with my very top being "adding humor". When I thought about it I realized that no matter what the situation, no matter what is going on - I value humor. Both from myself and from others. So, all those cartoons posted in my cube (Dilbert, Garfield, Foxtrot, etc.) are a sign of the seed of my being struggling to push through the soil of my life. Why God thought it was a bright idea to plant a cheerful Double Daisy in the cold, hard earth of accounting, I have no idea. But here I am. For now.

The authors encourage us to emphasize whatever portions of our workdays involve our callings. And to minimize whatever seems in conflict with them. In this way, they contend, we will soon learn how to whistle while we work. Because even the dullest of endeavors can become something of a masterpiece if done with great enthusiasm. How does the saying go? There are no great acts, only small acts done with great love.

Oh, and this is a big plug - this blog posting was written from The Daily Grind on South New Street in Staunton. They have wireless internet. Stop by sometime and enjoy the coffee and sandwiches!