Beth Cato Knows Cheese

Hi, I'm Beth Cato, an author with a passion for cheese. I connected with Sue on Twitter because of cheese, because that's what that divine dairy coagulation does: brings things and people together. I'm honored to have been invited here to make a guest post on this God and Cheese Day.

I've always loved cheese, but I didn't discover the artisanal stuff until my adult years. After a few years of trying new cheeses here and there, I realized I should start tracking my effort so that I would know when I had something new and what pairings worked best. This was both a good idea and also a case of, 'Oh no, what have I done?' 

My Cheese Log started in 2015. It's now 2023, and it is near 180,000 words. Probably 2/3 of that is description from labels and cheesemaker/vendor websites, but I also note where I bought it, what I paid, how I ate it, and other relevant personal details around the eating experience. In 2019, I arranged a once-in-a-lifetime trip to England and Scotland around taking a day trip to the Wensleydale Creamery. I've learned what cheeses I can safely haul home in my luggage on long plane trips (aged, dryer cheese can manage without refrigeration for long stints). When I visited New York City for the first time last October, I hit up Zabar's and hauled nine blocks of cheese back to Arizona. Yes, I've had airport security search my bag several times, too, as they deemed my cheese "suspicious." I share pictures of my acquisitions online, and my friends send me about every possible cheese meme out there, multiple times. My love of cheese, weirdly enough, has become part of my author brand. 

Cheese also plays a big role in my new book, A Thousand Recipes for Revenge, which comes out on June 1st from 47North. It integrates food magic into a setting inspired by musketeer-era France, so you know there's a lot of bread, wine, and of course, cheese. 

Writers are often told "write what you know." Well, I know cheese!

---

Nebula Award-nominated Beth Cato is the author of A THOUSAND RECIPES FOR REVENGE from 47North (June 2023) plus two fantasy series from Harper Voyager. She’s a Hanford, California native now residing in a far distant realm, usually with one or two cats in close orbit. Follow her at BethCato.com and on Twitter at @BethCato.

Cheese To You

 One of my cheese bucket list items is to visit Cheese to You in Lexington, Virginia. A co-worker recommended it when we were in the town for a conference and regretfully I didn't make it there are the time. Years have passed, but the cheese shop remains. And remains sassy.

Google image by TB, local guide

Praise Cheesus

Hallelujah! Finally, a reason for another God & Cheese Day post. @the_cheesus brings us THE GRILLED CHEESUS (cue angels singing).

Yes, you can order your very own Cheesus grill online at OMRGoods.

The Goddess of Cheese

In what may be my most exciting "Sunday is God and Cheese Day," may I present the Goddess of Cheese created by echo-x and posted to DeviantArt.

Cheesus Was Grilled For Our Sins

As the originator of God and Cheese Day it's obvious that I need this shirt.

Grilled Cheesus

This week on Twitter for a brief shining moment "Grilled Cheesus" became the top topic. Some of my favorite tweets are below.

Denial of Cheesus:
"I can't accept Grilled Cheesus as my Lord and Savior. It's not that I'm an Atheist, I'm just lactose intolerant." Not Gary Busey (@GaryJBusey)

Praising Cheesus:
"My life is complete. @TillamookCheese is following me. Praise the Grilled Cheesus for this miracle!" M. S Vich (@MischaVich)

Being Forsaken by Cheesus:
"I tried to make a Grilled Cheesus, but alas, the sandwich has forsaken me and instead I had a V8."

Michael Allen (@chaoticbuddhist)

God's Total Quality Management Questionnaire

4. What factors were relevant in your decision to acquire a Deity?
Please check all that apply.

___ Indoctrinated by parents
___ Needed a reason to live
___ Indoctrinated by society
___ Needed focus on whom to despise
___ Imaginary friend grew up
___ Graduated from the tooth fairy
___ Hate to think for myself
___ Wanted to meet girls/boys
___ Fear of death
___ Wanted to piss off parents
___ Needed a day away from work
___ Desperate need for certainty
___ Like organ music
___ Need to feel morally superior
___ Thought Jerry Falwell was cool
___ My shrubbery caught fire and told me to do it

Check out all of God's Total Quality Management Questionnaire.

Cheese(y) Films

Twitter is a fantastic place to witness and participate in phenomenal flocks of wit. Recently a challenge was to pun on film titles using cheese. What could be better for God and Cheese Day? Some of what we found to be the funniest.

#cheesefilms
azurite1 Dirty Havarti
Widgett: Quesoblanco
ALH009 The Three Asiagos
JohnGushue East of Edam
ALH009 The Secret Life of Brie 
ObeliskToucher A Night To Camembert
pjwaldron Blue Velveeta
ShirtNinja Muenster's Inc.
DominikH The Stilton of the Lambs  
DougMcBride: Prov Alone
pjwaldron Out on a Limburger
Scottums The Mozzarella Candidate
DominikH Brie to Terabithia
Widgett My Favorite Gruyere
Widgett Goudafella
jenifersf Saturday Night Chevre
misseuph Waiting For Gouda
Widgett The Gods Must Be Käse
meeshiefeet White Cheddar Can't Jump
jugglingscarves Gorgonzilla
BadAstronomer: The Kraft
BadAstronomer: Going My Whey (double feature with Oh, Gouda)
jugglingscarves Gouda Will Hunting
Jules0512 American cheese in London
GreatRedDragon Shmear and Loathing in Las Vegas 

Dairy Gods

Some days you don't go looking for the blog post, it comes to you. No, it's not cheese, but Promised Land Dairy makes the best chocolate milk EVER and I fully support any connection they claim to have to the Almighty because such incredible milk must have a divine source. For instance, one day when checking out the grocery store clerk saw my bottle and we were talking about how awesome the Midnight Chocolate Milk is when the manager leaned in to say, "We didn't get the normal shipment of it last Tuesday. There were some *very* upset customers!" To which I actually responded, with a tone of some relief, "Well, thank God it's here now!" Since when does chocolate milk incite that kind of cultist passion?

But this week I reached into the grocery refrigerator to find that the day I both hoped and feared had come. Promised Land chocolate milk was in a plastic bottle. In some ways it was something to hope for. When you lug around a giant glass bottle you live in fear of dropping it. And I'd already ended up with a huge stockpile of old bottles because it seems a crime to throw such lovely dairy bottles away. They serve as nice vases for handfuls of wildflowers or to display beach glass in the window. But with over 20 of them piled in the back of the cabinet my husband had already said enough was enough.

On the other hand, there is the adjustment issue. It just doesn't TASTE as good in plastic as it does in glass. There is also a different "feel" to the bottle. If this were the first bottle of Promised Land chocolate milk I'd had I tend to doubt that I would've been as avid a fan.And last but not least, if my research back in college still holds true, there are only two things that are 100% recyclable - metal and glass. We recycle a lot of plastic but unless things have changed there is waste in the process.

So I'll go back to contemplating the divine in a bottle of chocolate milk, be it glass or plastic, and leave you to decide whether you're going to try to track down the One True Chocolate Milk in your own town.

2/15/2010 Update:
Within two hours of posting this we got a Google search hit on the topic so I emailed the Promised Land Dairy to ask if they had a press release or a statement about the change to plastic bottles that they would like to share. They sent me a copy the following letter in less than one business day. You have to love these people. And their explanation is a pretty reasonable one.

January 15, 2010 

To Our Valued Customers:

Beginning this month, we will be converting to a new custom made PET quart bottle that will have the same high quality visual impact, rigidity, and recycling ability as out current single serve and half gallon PET bottles, which are of course BPA free.  And perhaps most importantly, they will help continue to keep the same flavor and freshness you have come to expect with Promised Land products.

We are taking this step for a number of reasons.  As the cost of glass continues to rise due to petroleum and raw material increases, we must look at alternative means of keeping our pricing in line so our outstanding products can continue to be available at a reasonable price in today’s competitive market.  Secondly, the decrease in the weight of our new quarts will be another step we are taking toward reducing fuel consumption in shipping and thus greater packaging sustainability, which is a goal of many environmentally concerned vendors today.  For our long-term development as a company, it will also allow us to carry our healthy and all natural products through an extensive US distribution network now available to us as a part of the National Dairy family.


We are making a substantial investment in order to create the custom molds to produce this new quart bottle.  We believe however, in the long run, it will provide a return to our customers and our environment in many ways, as well as help to expand our unique all Jersey cow milk and outstanding line of flavors to a growing number of customers seeking healthy all natural milk.

Thank you for your support as customers of All Natural Promised Land Dairy.


Sincerely,
G.K. [full name removed by TTGSiMH to protect privacy]
General Sales Manager

Social Media for God and Cheese Day

Oddly, there is always something new for God and Cheese Day when I go looking. Today we feature God Cheese (a.k.a. Colby Jack) from Facebook.

Death by Napping?

Greed:	Low
Gluttony:	Low
Wrath:	Very Low
Sloth:	High
Envy:	Very Low
Lust:	Very Low
Pride:	Very Low

Take the Seven Deadly Sins Quiz

I agree with the Sloth but it seems like Gluttony should've been higher. Also, keeping with today's theme had a cheese plate for breakfast. Yum. See the gluttony? Not like I'm Jewel Staite-level with food but I eat my fair share (and yours too, are you gonna finish that?).

Props to C R Ward for the link to the quiz.

Anagramtastic

Just found out that one anagram for Sue London is Loosed Nun. WOOOOOOO! Excellent news on God and Cheese Day

Bing! It's God and Cheese

Thought we would try out Bing! for God and Cheese Day, with some good results. First, something that seems like the best God/Cheese combo yet.

God's Country Creamery
An excerpt of their cheese descriptions will leave you with a craving. They open with "our Gouda has a melt-in-your-mouth, buttery texture and a pleasantly mellow flavor." Yes, I will send you all my money please-give-me-some-cheese. And I guess their graphic is pointing out that if happy cows make happy milk, imagine what our cows do since they are snuggled from infancy.

Then, some entertainment.

Milk-based product of the gods
"Adam milked God while he was sleeping..." claims the Uncylopedia. "Since then other gods have been milked by daring adventurers called milketeers adding to the variety of god-cheese available." Beware, the article goes downhill from there in terms of good taste...

Cheese Gods Are Everywhere

Yet another who claims to be the God of Cheese. I wonder how Aristaeus feels about that. Of course, I doubt that Aristaeus ever had such a cute avatar or signature graphic...

God Loves Cheese

Even though, as Chesterton pointed out, the poets are mysteriously quiet on the subject of cheese, it seems that God and his ever-lovin' followers can't shut up about it. Even when it doesn't totally make sense...

Does God Exist? The Moon Made of Green Cheese Analogy

If you can figure out what point (or at least valid point) they are making there, get back to me.

Cheese Art: The Movement

Art is a collaboration between God and the artist, and the less the artist does the better. - Andre Gide

For the 6,000 or so years since cheese was invented, people have continually come up with new and interesting things to do with it...

But for all the myriad ways there are to eat cheese, I must say I'm surprised by a recent trend in art: using cheese as a material for sculpture. - A Cheese A Day

Check out Sarah Kaufmann's Sculptures at sarahcheeselady.com.

This Week in God

Sunday is God and Cheese Chocolate Chip Pancakes & Sausage on a Stick Day.

I found a fun new site called jinkywilliams.com (also listed over there under Shiny Bloggers). His site is billed as "An Amalgamation of Sundries and Miscellany." I totally have to support that since I got this screen shot.


I, too, believe that all misinformation about God can be cleared up with a little bit of Jimmy Dean's Chocolate Chip Pancakes & Sausage on a Stick! Such is the power of cake, grease and chocolate. In fact, I'm sure that this is exactly how Chuck Norris starts his day every day.

(Hint, pics for each article are above the titles. I hope that factoid didn't ruin your entertainment... But for one brief moment your mind boggled like mine did with the accidental lay out.)

Yep, Still Not Out of Material...

Click to visit the artist at Nearing Zero.

A Slice of God in Every Package

Yep, it's Sunday again which means it's God and Cheese Day. Jim Brown reported back in 2001 that a slice of Meal-Time cheese had become God. How could we here at the Thoughts not have heard about this before? Since Jim is writing from Wisconsin we have to believe that he knows his God Cheese when he sees it.

Rock Me Aristaeus

Yes, it is time for another edition of Sunday is God and Cheese Day. Today we learn that Aristaeus was the "rustic god of shepherds and cheese-making..." And apparently he was named by Bill and Ted on one of their cross-time adventures because "his name was derived from the Greek word aristos, 'most excellent'..."