L33TERATURE: Notes From The Underground

How Notes From the Underground might have come out if it had been texted from one 13 year old to the other in the 21st Century.

IM A SIK MAN..!11!!!1!!1!!111!!11!!!1!! IM A SPIETFUL MAN!1!11 WTF IM AN UNATRACTIEV MAN!1!!! OMG I BLEIVA MAH LIEVR SI DIESAESD!!!!!1! OMG HOW3VER I KNOW NOTHNG AT AL ABOUT MAH DIESAES AND DO NOT KNOW FOR C3RTANE WUT ALES MA!1!!11!!1 WTF I DONT CONSULT A DOC2R FOR IT AND N3VER HAEV THOUGH I HAEV A RESPECT FOR MEDICIEN AND DOC2RS!!!!1!1! OMG LOL BSIEDS IM AXTREM3LEY SUP3RSTITIOS SUFICEINTLEY SO 2 RESP3CT MADICIEN ANYWAY (IM W3L-3DUCAETD ANOUGH NOT 2 B SUPARSTITIOS BUT IM SUP3RSTITIOS)!!1!!!11 OMG WTF LOL NO I R3FUES 2 CONSULT A DOC2R FROM SPIET!1111!!1 WTF LOL TAHT U PROBABLEY WIL NOT UNDARSTAND!111!!1! LOL W3L I UND3RSTAND IT THOUGH!!!!11 OMG WTF LOL OF COURS3 I CANT EXPLANE WHO IT SI PR3CIESLEY TAHT IM MORTIFYNG IN THES CAES BY MAH SPIET IM PARFECTLEY WEL R TAHT I CANOT PAY OUT TEH DOC2RS BY NOT CONSULTNG THAM I KNOW BTAR THAN ANYON3 TAHT BY AL THES IM ONLEY INJURNG MYSALF AND NO ON3 ALSE!!!!1 OMG WTF BUT STIL IF I DONT CONSULT A DOC2R IT SI FROM SPIET!!!!1 WTF MAH LIEVR SI BAD W3L - LAT IT G3T WORSE
!!111! OMG LOL I HAEV B3N GONG ON LIEK TAHT FOR A LONG TIEM - TWENTY YEARS!!!111!1! WTF

1/ Notes From the Underground text courtesy Electronic Text Center, University of Virginia Library
2/ Translation services provided by The AOLer Translator