Stephen vs. the Factinistas: Episode One

Colbert snapped his cuff link in place and studied his face in the mirror. Fortunately the Truth was strong in him and the stress of the last forty eight hours wasn't showing. The memo his interns had received while he'd been on vacation had sent them into a panic. They had called and called and called until it had just been easier to talk to them than to keep hanging up. He would have fired them if they didn't work for free and shine his shoes to such a nice, shiny gloss. A shiny, shiny gloss...

Right, the memo. The Factinistas were determined to strike within the studio. He didn't see what all of the fuss was about. The interns had been all, "What will we do?" and "Are we safe?" and "Oh no, when are they coming?" Ridiculous. Stephen gave himself The Eyebrow in the mirror and considered that perhaps tonight's Word should be "Interns Have No Balls." He knew he had the Truth on his side. Factinistas attacking inside the studio wasn't possible. The interns could hire all of the security staff they wanted to. Using their own funds, of course, which they seemed to have raised with desperate phone calls to grandparents and friends that had gotten real jobs. But it really didn't matter because the idea was preposterous. Stephen gave the mirror one more look and headed out into the studio lights.