Thursday, July 5, 2007

Test your Creativity Quotient

Test your Creativity Quotient (CQ). Take the brief test that follows by adding up the numbers next to the answers that you think best fit your own personality. Evaluation scale will follow.

1. You enter your room and discover your alarm clock is melting into the bed. Should you:
A) Call the phone company to find out what time it is. (0)
B) Think about how fast your clock is running. (1)
C) Ask your clock, "Why the long face?" (3)
D) Don't really worry because the bed is melting into the foor. (5)

2. Penguin Dust is
A) Fallout registered from an exploding penguin. (0)
B) A phrase in a poem by Gregory Corso. (3)*
C) A command given to a penguin, such as "Penguin, do the dishes," or, "Penguin, vacuum." (5)
D) Something you buy at your local pet store. (4)

3. My favorite television program is
A) "Wheel of Fortune." (0)
B) "The A-Team." (-5)
C) "Sesame Street." (3)
D) The test pattern. (5)

4. What killed the dinosaurs?
A) An ice age (0)
B) The swamps dried up. (1)
C) Furry little animals. (3)
D) Penguin Dust. (5)

5. There is a tiny rabbit climbing up your nose. What color is he?
A) White (0)
B) Khaki (-5)
C) There is no tiny rabbit, the lavender wombat ate him. (4)
D) Which one of the tiny rabbits are you talking about? (5)

6. How many angels can dance on the head of a pin?
A) Straight pin or safety pin? (-5)
B) Almost 17 (1)
C) 42. (3)
D) About as many as can fit in the hole of a bowling ball. (5)

7. What is the square root of 69?
A) 8.3066 (-5)
B) Eight something (2)
C) I don't know; I failed Calc. 1 (3)
D) Too disgusting to imagine. (5)

8. My favorite poet is
A) Dylan Thomas. (1)
B) Sylvia Plath. (2)
C) William Shakespeare (0)
D) Gregory Corso, author of "Penguin Dust." (5)

9. A sequel to the painting "Nude Descending Staircase" might be called
A) "Nude Posing on Landing" (1)
B) "Crap." (-5)
C) "Nude Reclining on Bannister." (3)
D) "Same Nude Three Steps Further Down." (5)

10. Humpty Dumpty fell off the wall. Why?
A) Obesity. (1)
B) Misunderstanding of the Laws of Physics. (3)
C) Death Wish. (3)
D) Misdirected sex drive. (5)

11. Vocabulary test: Scintilla, cartouche, synaptic, scoobedoo. Of those
words, I knew, without looking them up, the meaning of:
A) none of them. (0)
B) two of them. (1)
C) Three of them. (4)
D) all five of them. (5)

12. How do you know when you pass an elephant?
A) You see a big, grey thing in your rearview mirror. (3)
B) You squash your wide receiver with a completed pass. (3)
C) You feel an excruciating pain. (4)
D) You can't close the toilet seat. (5)


Each number in parenthesis indicates the creativity of that answer. Ratings of zeros, ones and twos indicates that you are pretty neutral in the creativity department. Threes, fours, and fives show that you have some verbal agility and creativity. Any score of minus five indicates a very disturbed personality. Add up all your numbers and compare with the chart below:

Zero or less: Raw potatos have more pizazz than you. You probably voted for Nixon. With some effort you can understand certain comic strips and cartoons.

1-20: Little or no creativity. You might once have stepped inside an art museum and have tried a crossword puzzle. You are reasonably fluent in the English language.

21-59: Scores within this range indicate an above average CQ. The Rubic's Cube does not offer any challenge, and dealing with the average person is too painful for you.

60 or higher: You are dangerously insightful, practically unemployable, and probably psychotic. You identify with Hamlet. You might also identify with vegetables, particularly Chinese.

This test was designed by Mark R. Frank, who has no PhD in anything and should not be allowed to be loose on the streets. His favorite color is paisley.

*If you're here for Gregory Corso, the "penguin dust" line is from his poem "Marriage" which is on this page that I also linked to above.

Notes from the Commander: I have had this in my file of funnies long enough that it is TYPED (with an IBM typewriter back in the 80s) but I did not cite the source. I think that it was OMNI magazine, but I'm not sure. I found it online here, but he does not cite the source either. I'm putting it here so that I can find it when I want it and share it with my peeps. If Mark R. Frank would like to stop by and tell us what he's up, that would be great. If he (or the publishing magazine) would like to post an official copy I will be happy to take mine down. But until then, it's too much fun not to share.


  1. It was OMNI...

    I recall the day I read this and LAUGHED!!!

    It was the penguin dust that got me.

  2. I still have the original page from OMNI that I carefully cut out. Unfortunately, the pub date is not on it. I loved the square root of 69 joke so much that I typed it up, framed it, and hung it on my hallway wall. It is still there.

  3. That's awesome! I've got to have the original magazine in a box somewhere. My brother gave me his collection back in the late 80s.

  4. buhahahahha lol lmfao rofl fmltwfh